Clubbing in your 30s

When was the last time you went clubbing? 

For me, it was more than 10 years ago, back when I was living in Shanghai. I’ve always loved going out in Toronto, riding the Vomit Comet home at midnight. But partying in Shanghai was a whole other beast. One time I was having so much fun that I missed the last train, so I thought what the heck, I’m just gonna keep going! So we partied until 6am and then watched the sunrise on the bund.

Oh, to be young again….

These days, most of my friends are in their mid 30s or older, and the extent of partying for us consists of dancing in our living rooms to oldies because 90s music is now considered oldies, while tipsy on homemade sangria. 

So when a younger friend I met on Bumble asked if I wanted to go clubbing with her on Halloween. Every fiber of my body screamed no, that I was too old for this, that my bedtime was now 9pm…etc. 

But my mind was singing a different tune.

Mind- ‘Come on, don’t you remember the good old days?’

Body-‘I don’t know if it’ll be the same…”

Mind- ‘Aren’t you even a little bit curious?”

Body- ‘But Halloween is on a weekday!”

Mind- ”Exactly, it’s just once a year! What else do you have going on this week except sitting on the couch and watching Netflix?”

Body-‘Oh yes, the new season of Selling Sunset is out!’

Mind-‘Shut up, you’re going out.’

When I was in my twenties, my mind and body were more in sync. One said “let’s go” and the other already got one foot out the door. These days they seem to be more at odds. My mind still thinks we are young, wild, and mortgage-free, and still wants to say yes to anything and everything. But my body is a different story. It wants to lay down a lot. 

Eventually, my mind won because my body just got tired from arguing. I figured that I might as well go out while I can still get away with it. There weren’t too many years left before I turned 40, and that’s when it became a little pathetic to still be clubbing. Although there are plenty of Asian people I know that still go clubbing in their late 40s, they look half their age, so they could get away with it. I have not been so diligent with my SPFs so I don’t know about that.

Fast forward to Halloween night, my friends picked me up at 8:30 and it was 9:44 when we finally arrived in downtown Vancouver. I was proud of myself for being able to remain upright at this point, but my heart sank when I saw the MASSIVE line that wrapped around the building where the club was supposed to be. 

That better be the line for donuts, I thought.

I was ready to cut our losses. I figured that if we headed home now, I could still be in bed at a reasonable hour. 

“Come on guys, what say we take this party back to my place? I made brownies. Wink wink. No, not the fun ones, but it tastes pretty good with milk.” 

Unfortunately, they were not enticed. After driving around for another 10 minutes or so looking for parking, I grudgingly joined them in line.

“What are you?” The guy in front of us asked.

At first, I wasn’t sure if the question was directed to me, since this town does not exactly have a friendly reputation. Strangers in Vancouver do not talk to other strangers, except, I found out, on Halloween night.

“Isn’t it obvious?” I gestured to my round glasses and the red and white striped shirt I got on Amazon.

But obviously it was not obvious to him.

“Waldo!” I said finally. “As in “Where’s Waldo?” 

It was not ringing a bell with him.

 “Forget it.” I said. “ What are you?”

“Pauly D! Jersey Shore! Duh!!” 

Ok, so he knows Jersey Shore but not Where’s Waldo…How old is he?

How old am I???

Two girls in their early twenties lined up behind us and started talking loudly.

Girl 1 “Ok We shouldn’t have to wait in line. Andre promised me that he would get us in”

Girl 2 “Good! Coz we’re looking hot tonight and we shouldn’t have to wait in line.”

Girl 1 “Fuck no!.”

Girl 2 “Hot and single!”

Girl 1” Omg. Do you realize that this is the first time we’re both single at the same time?”

Girl 2 “Omg yeahhh!”

Girl 1“We are both single and hot! This is gonna be such a great night!”

Girl  1“Yeah”

Girl 2 “Yeah!!!”

Girl 1 “Omg, girllll, we’re gonna have so much fun!”

Girl 2 “So much fun!!!”

I can’t remember the last time I was that enthusiastic for anything, so I applauded them for their optimism because that was certainly not how I felt about this night. I half hoped that I could sneak with them if Andre was able to do his magic just so we could leave earlier. I’ll bride him if I have to, but unfortunately, Andre never came out so all of us had to wait in line. 

Finally, we were at the front of the line after what seemed like forever. The bouncer asked me for two pieces of ID, and having not been carded in a while, I got a little too excited. I asked if he could pretend to ID me again just so I could get a picture of him IDing me. He stared at me blankly, so I said ok I’ll just take a mental picture instead and thanked him for his time.

That was probably the highlight of my night because the rest of it can pretty much be summed up by the following internal monologue on loop:

‘Uh… everyone here is younger than me… They could be my students for Godsake.’

‘Hmm, I don’t know any of these songs. Is this really what kids listen to these days?’

‘Could it BE any more crowded in here?’

‘Did I not get the memo? Because every girl here dressed as some version of a sexy bunny, sexy angel, or sexy cheerleader except me.’

‘Ok, they are definitely over fire capacity now.’

‘Great I’m just trapped in the corner now’

‘Yup, totally trapped.’

‘Why are all the floors so sticky?????’

A guy who was dancing nearby started to make conversation. He seemed my age and looked like he was having about as much fun as me. So I figured I’d at least have someone to commiserate with. 

“So what are you?” He shouted over the music.

Ok, I may be the only one not wearing lingerie, he should be old enough to know about Waldo.

Then I realized that I wasn’t wearing my hat, and probably just looked like Harry Potter on vacation. I put up a finger for him to wait and put on the iconic red and white hat.

“Tada!” I mouthed.

“Uh…Santa?” was his response.

Yeah, ok, it’s definitely time to go home…

When we finally left the club I had a newfound appreciation for fresh air and personal space. The night wasn’t a total loss, at least my curiosity was now thoroughly satiated. I probably don’t need to do that again until…maybe never.

The two “hot and single” girls were sitting on the bench outside the club, one of them was either crying or throwing up or both while the other rubbed her back in circles. It took me back to my college days.

Oh, to be young again…

For once, My mind and body were in agreeance. Yup, we definitely never need to do that again.