Let me update you on the latest of the J and K Saga.
The last time we spoke (when I called you 2 days ago at 2am), Johan was still waiting to hear from U of T. Well, bad news: he did NOT get in. (I bet they didn’t even read his essay! You and I both know all they care about is grades!)
Now we are left at a crossroad. I leave for Toronto in 2 months. He will probably stay in China for another year. So I need your advice: should we break up or should we try long distance?
Let’s say we break up:
- But I don’t want to I don’t want to I don’t want to
- Btw, he said HE LOVES ME!!!!
- I love him too and I’ve never felt this way before about anyone
- I don’t want to I don’t want to I don’t want to
Let’s say if we do long distance for a year:
- Long distance rarely(if ever!) works
- We will probably fight all the time (Speaking from experience with Bob)
- Even if we make it through the year, what if he still doesn’t get in to Uof T?
- Wouldn’t it have been a big waste of time?
Can I afford to waste a year doing long distance? What if we just end up breaking up anyway? What if he meets someone else? What if I do? This may sound horrible, but the thought has briefly crossed my mind that: What if I meet someone better in Toronto? I can’t do anything about it because I’m technically in a relationship.
I can think of a million more reasons not to do long distance. But….I love him I love him I love him.
Help Ana! Please speak rational to me!
Confused Canadian in China
Every girl (at one point or another, whether they admit it or not) has wondered: Can I do better?
It is normal (perhaps even necessary) to have such thoughts. Because only then can you decide whether you are with this person because you want to? Or because you are afraid to be alone?
The question can indeed sound cruel, but perhaps we could redefine it to make it more palatable.
The word “better” can mean a variety of things. To some people, “to do better” means to find someone more handsome, richer or…richer.
For others, it could mean to find someone who understands them better. Someone who makes them laugh more. If you are not excited to spend the rest of your life with them, then yes, perhaps you can do better.
Objectively speaking, you should probably break up and try to find someone in Toronto. Long distance can be extremely stressful, and could end bitterly for two people that might have made it otherwise. Even if you break up, you could always pick up a year later if he goes to Toronto.
And Let’s face it, you are no spring chicken, and biologically speaking, you do not have much time to waste.
Fact: there is an excess supply of single women in big cities these days, thus creating a skewed dating market. In 2012, 34% more women than men graduate from college (see book: Date-onomics by Jon Birger ). So unless you are willing to date across socioeconomic lines, you should be getting on that husband hunt ASAP.
However, and this is a big HOWEVER, having followed your story personally, I would not be offended if you do not take my suggestion. While statistics indicate that shark attacks are nothing to worry about, if you ask the guy who had his arm bitten off, he might argue differently.
To quote a lady wise beyond her years: “The heart wants what it wants.”—Selena Gomez
Good luck and let me know how your story unfolds!
Ana (Advice Giver Extraordinaire)