Ladies(and dudes too), what’s the first thing you do after someone asks you out? I’ll give you a second to think about it.
No need for a second? Ok, now say it out loud:
“Facebook stalk them. Duh!”
No Facebook/Profile not public? Then Linkedin, Instagram, Twitter, etc.
None of those? Then are you sure you want to date someone jobless/possible ghost?
Now I’m about as old fashioned as your mother-in-law. I like men to open doors, pull out chairs and I still can’t figure out why people tweet bathroom selfies! “Why u want pics of the Poo Room? #stupidkidsthesedays”
But did I cyberstalk Jun before our date? Hell ya!
I found out that he’s slightly older than I thought. “Meh, I ain’t no spring chicken myself.” Also that he’s a top executive at a really famous bank. “Does that mean I can roll in Porches when I’m the Real Housewife of Shanghai?” Huh? What? I said nothing…
We decided on Saturday for our Brunch date, but have been messaging back and forth consistently. Just my usual flirty banters, nothing too deep. I like to save the real stuff for face-to-face, not face-to-Ipad.
The Friday however, was Helen’s birthday. She knows the club promoter and got free table and bottle service at Hollywood (a club). You’d think that they’ve mistaken her for J. Lo, when in fact most clubs regularly offer those deals to expats. The common belief is that having foreigners increase the appeal of your club. I’m not here to judge, I only tell the facts. “So no comment…. And get off my lawn you stupid paparazzi!!!”
Section 2.5 of the Sister Code states that “If it’s your bff’s bday, you gots to show, even if you have an early date the next morning. Sisters before Misters.”
So I toiled away on weekdays, and managed to finish all my work by Friday afternoon. I primped and prepped and was on my way to Hollywood! *cough* by bus *cough
Carlos was away on business, but Helen was turning the exciting age of 25 and ready to party like it was 1999! I don’t think I’ve ever seen her down so many drinks so fast. Being the good friend, I stayed sober(ish) to take care of her if needed.
Halfway through the party, I got a text from Jun asking how I am today. I texted back that I’m at Hollywood for a friend’s birthday.
Jun- “The club? I’m actually really close by! At business dinner. So boring. Need escape.”
Me- “Want to join us? Excuse: Sudden onset diarrhea.”
Jun- “Maybe…. I do want to see u. Tmr too far.”
I didn’t think he was actually gonna show up, but he did. He wasn’t so impressed by the loudness nor was he interested in dancing next to sweaty European teenagers.
“Now I remember why I avoid places like this.” He shouted over the music, “I’m gonna go get a drink.”
Oh well, I’m gonna continue dancing like European teenagers. It’s my bff’s birthday after all. Woot woot! Now do the hustle!
Unfortunately, Helen was soon feeling the champagne/Grey Goose, and could barely stand. Jun offered to help me take her home. I was surprised that he stayed but glad that he did. It would have sucked having to carry her up 5 flights of stairs and none of her other friends even offered to come along.
We stopped the cab several times for her to throw up. Once at her place, I continued to hold her hair as she puked. After we cleaned up and put her to bed, it was almost morning.
“Thanks so much for all your help. But you can go home now.” I told Jun.
“What about you?” He asked.
“Back to Pudong I guess.” I said as I looked around at the tiny apartment with a single bed that Helen is now laying on, reeking of vomit.
“That’s so far! Then what? You sleep for 2 hours and have to come back again for our date?”
Crap! I totally forgot about brunch! Is it rude to cancel now?
“Why don’t you stay at my place?” he continued, “Then we can go together in the morning.”
Whoa buddy! Did you think this was a bootycall?
“Uh no! But thanks…” I said, while in my head I thought ‘Im not that drunk…”
He must have sensed my thoughts, “What I meant, is that there’s an extra bedroom you can stay in.”
By this point I was so tired and seriously considering his offer.
Again sensing my thoughts, he reassured me “I won’t do anything if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“No funny business?” I asked hesitantly.
He chuckled, and said “No funny business.”
I hesitated some more, then said “Ok.”
This is where Ms. Hindsight starts yelling like a madwoman. “Were you insane? You could have been ______ (insert every possible awful outcome)”
“I know, I know. I was exhausted! My brain stopped working! I promise I will never do it again!!!” I’d say as I beg Ms. Hindsight for forgiveness.
Note: this is not an advice column nor is it a feminist commentary on society (though how can you not be a feminist these days). You interpret however you want, I just want to tell the story. So this is not to become a “Do” or “Don’t” Guide!
Boys and girls, don’t ever go home with strangers/semi strangers.
Fortunately, I was not raped or murdered or decapitated and cooked into stew (yeah my mind went there). He gave me a Colgate toothbrush and tucked me into bed. And you know how fond I am of brandname toothbrushes…
But still, don’t…Just don’t.