Just when you think the drama has reached a peak, get this: following our Yellow Mountain trip, ALL three guys broke up with ALL three girls, All in the SAME week.
When I told J this story years later, I asked if he thinks the guys discussed it together. I’m mean what are the chances of all three breakups happening at the same time?
He said “Oh, they most DEFINITELY talked about it together. I guarantee you the conversation went something like this…”.
Carlos- “I’m thinking of dumping Helen.”
Lukas- “Me too! I’m thinking of dumping Lucy”
Will- “Yeah, I’m not sure it’s working with Ronnie”
Carlos- “I totally think you should break up with Ronnie!”
Lukas- “I never liked Helen. I can’t believe you’re still with her!”
Carlos- “You’re right, I’m gonna break up with Helen.”
Lukas- “Me too. I’m gonna break up with Lucy.”
Will- “Me three!”
Therefore the following week was a bit of a fiasco for the girls.
Helen- (crying) “I can’t believe HE dumped ME!”
Lucy- (bawling) “Lukas is kicking me out of the apartment!!!”
Ronnie kept quiet but told me later on that Will broke up with her as well.
For the two of them it was more bittersweet than anything else. Will was a lot younger than Ronnie. While we could all see how much the two of them liked each other, Ronnie wanted to settle down ASAP. Will was far from ready.
He told her, “I can’t give you what you want. I’m not the man I want to be and I’ve been taking my frustrations out on you. It’s not fair and you deserve better.”
Helen’s situation on the other hand was significantly different.
She called me over, and I spent the whole day listening to her cry about Carlos.
“You know I was totally thinking of dumping him! I wish I did now!” She sobbed.
“You should have. He’s an asshole.” I said, thinking back to the “dog” comment he made about her.
Helen said “I know! He wanted to split the bill!”
“What?” I said confused.
“By the end of our relationship, he didn’t even buy me dinner anymore! He wanted me to pay!!!” She said outraged.
“Urm, right…” I said, shocked that was her only reason.
“He said he didn’t have any feelings for me. He wanted to be in a monogamous relationship, but it’s just not for him.”
“Surprise. Surprise.” I actually was surprised that he was upfront with her, rather than make up some cowardly excuse.
Then she said something that shocked me even more, “It’s you! You told me to date him!”
“Excuse me?” I could not believe my ears.
She started to finger point “Yeah, you said he’s a nice guy and that I should date him!”
“Excuse me???” I spoke slowly and deliberately “All I said was ‘He seems nice’. If you chose to date him based on that, that’s all you. Don’t you DARE try to blame this on me.” I had to use my teacher voice on her; the Calm-but-Oh-No-You-Didn’t tone.
She realized I wasn’t gonna be her punching bag and backed down, “I should have listened to his friend Shelly. She told me that he treated women badly and that I should stay away from him.”
In my head I was like “ Someone who knows him actually warned you of this? And you chose to ignore it? Giiiiiirl….” In my head I’m also a sassy black chick.
Section 3.2 of the Sister Code: When a sister is going through a breakup, now is not the time to be a know-it-all.”
Be sympathetic…Not judgmental….
“There there.” I comforted her.
“Don’t bother with regret. Nothing is wasted as long as you learned from the experience.” I fed her my own generic brand of wisdom.
Little did she know that I was going through something similar myself.
In the week following Yellow Mountain, Jun (Remember Jun? my two-night stand?) stopped messaging me.
We continued to text after I ran out of his apartment that morning. He asked if I got to Yellow Mountain alright, and I said yes. Back and forth it went for a while, but eventually, he stopped responding.
I should be a relationship expert by now, considering all the advice I doled out to the girls. “He doesn’t deserve you!”, “You’re so amazing, this is a chance for you to upgrade!” or “Don’t waste tears on someone that won’t waste any on you.”
But boy was I full of shit.