“Hi Johan, Unfortunately I can no longer participate in our little experiment. After much thought, I’ve decided against an open relationship. Since you don’t want to commitment, I hope you can understand that I will not able to see you anymore. Sorry to do this over text, but feel free to call if you need further explanation.”
I hit “Sent” immediately; afraid I would chicken out if I waited.
Five seconds later, I got a phone call from Johan.
He normally does not reply to texts for at least an hour.
“Hi, I just saw your message. Is this a good time to talk? ”
My heart started to pound as soon as I heard his voice.
“Yes.” I replied, trying to remain calm and composed.
“So, can you explain your thoughts to me? Did something happen?” He asked sincerely.
I had a whole speech prepared but somehow the words started to disappear one by one. I struggled to grasp onto the remaining few.
“Well…” I stammered “It all started when I went on a date with Joshua.”
I proceeded to tell him everything, about the bad date, about how I still considered dating Joshua just to spite Johan.
“When Ronnie suggested I date as many guys as possible, because everyone else was doing it, I initially agreed.” I continued my speech “But when I hung up the phone, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something didn’t feel right.”
I paused to take a breath, while Johan listened silently.
“That’s when I realized… I don’t care what everyone else is doing. I don’t want an open relationship. I want be in an old fashioned relationship, with just one person. I didn’t feel right using Joshua, even if he’s a player himself. I’ve been so busy judging everyone else, I forgot about my own standards.”
All the words floated back and I couldn’t stop talking.
“I always say I want to date a good guy, someone with their own moral compass. But if I’m gonna hold them to that standard, I need to start holding myself up to that standard too.”
“Therefore I can’t be in an open relationship with you if I want to pursue an exclusive one.” I concluded.
There was a few seconds of silence before Johan spoke.
“Can’t argue with that logic.” He said finally.
“I really quite admire that…” He added.
“Yeah. So I hope you can understand.” I said cordially.
“Question: Will we still be friends after?” He asked.
“No.” I said firmly, “That’s not a good idea.”
Wow! I had to pause to admire myself. Look at me all confident and sure of myself! No longer wishy-washy and bending to other people’s will.
I LIKE IT!!!
After a few more seconds he said, “Then I would like to date you exclusively.”
“What???” I blurted out in shock. So much for confident and composed.
“I’ve never been in a committed relationship, but I’d really like to try it with you.”
I did not prepare any speech for this, I was so sure it would be a clean break.
“I mean…” I stuttered again “I thought you were afraid of commitment…”
“I am, but…” He paused.
“I’d rather be with you than be without you.”
He said the words that sounded like something straight out of a rom-com. I always wanted my life to be a movie.
“So if that’s what you want, I’ll do it.” He finished and waited for me to speak.
But…what do you say to that?
“What do you say? Should we give this a shot?” I could hear him smile over the phone.
I couldn’t help but smile too.