Chapter 30- Google failed me

After Jun ended it, I suffered post breakup symptoms. Not sure why… didn’t even think I liked him that much. So I Googled ‘Do you need to get over someone you only dated briefly?’ or “Is it a breakup if you only went out twice?”

I got no results.

When I said “ended it” I mean he stopped messaging. Being the Master of Avoidance, I knew exactly what that meant, having done the same thing many times to guys I lost interest in.

Plus I read that book “He’s just not that into you”.

One thing you should know is that I have an extremely prideful side, so let’s call this character “Princess Kathleen”. The internal dialogue went a little something like this:

Me- “Maybe he’s waiting for me to message.”

Princess Kathleen- “If a guy likes you, he will text.”

Me- “But what if he lost his phone?”

Princess Kathleen- “He’ll get another one and text you.”

Me- “What if he’s sick? OR Maybe a family member got sick and he had to fly back the States to take care of them!”

Princess Kathleen- “Do they not have phones in the States?”

Me- “OMG maybe he’s dead!”

Princess K- “They have phones in hell.”

ME- “I need to text him and find out”

Princess Kathleen-“Put down the phone! And step away from the desk!”

In the end, my pride won. So I never did find out if he was in fact kidnapped while on a missionary trip to Africa.

I felt sad, but wasn’t sure if I’m allowed to feel this way about someone I barely knew.

“Why should I waste time on someone that clearly does not give a tiny rat’s ass about me! ”

“Like…Does he even know your last name? Do you even know his???”

“If people found out that I cried over this… I will die of embarrassment! Die!”

And of course the question that was always at the back of my head “Was it because I put out too early?” Or in the words of Steve Harvey “Should I have waited 90 days to give up the cookie?”

Seriously, 90 days? 90 days?!?!?

Ahhhh! So many books! So many rules!

I learned later on that these rules apply in some situations, but not in others. The chances are about the same as a coin toss. And if you watch the movie version of all these books, the ultimate message is that “rules are meant to be broken”. But again, no amount of TV or movies can trump personal experience.

This is probably the first time I experienced romantic rejection. Having spent years creating a protective wall to make sure that I am never on the receiving end; I was now face to face with one of my worst fears. Surprisingly, it wasn’t the scary six-eyed monster I had pictured.

In the end, I concluded that:

Being jilted sucks. Period.

You feel how you feel, there is no right or wrong.

But crying helps, and so does Sam Smith. (Forget ice cream!)

“Guess it’s true, I’m not good at a one two night stand
But I still need love ’cause I’m just a man woman…”—Sam Smith

So I allowed myself to feel sad. It took about a week, but I got over it.

Now this is the point of the story where I should say something inspirational like “I get knocked down! But I get back again! You’re never gonna keep me down!”–Chumbawamba

But the truth is, as fast as my interesting in dating started, it ended just as quickly.