Remember Chris? I mean Bob. The boyfriend who spent night and day just sitting and waiting for my eventual return. I imagine he had a picture of me and talked to it every day.
Because I was pretty much unreachable.
Yes long distance sucks. But I sucked more. As a girlfriend.
Bob would call me on my cellphone, on skype, via carrier pigeons, and nada.
I’ll be the first to say that I’m not a phone person. Talking on the phone to me is the equivalent of eating raw brussel sprouts to a fat kid. Something about talking to a disembodied voice just unnerves me.
What about videochatting then you say?
Ok you caught me. I got no more excuses. Bad girlfriend award.
Sure sometimes I was actually unavailable due to my busy busy social life. Most of the time however, I was just too tired to talk to him. Or deeply immersed in an episode of Glee.
There are times when I’d just silence the ringer after seeing him call for the 15th time.
I. Am. So. Sorry. Bob.
You too mom. I’m sorry, but I do that to your calls sometimes too.
My aunt pointed out that even though I hate talking on the phone. Did I ever think that maybe I should just do it because the other person needed to talk? Selfish much?
What? It’s my first relationship! Cut me some slack! I didn’t know that it’s not just take take take take take….Giving is important too.
Anywho, one day around November, Bob showed up at my door steps.
Yep, my boyfriend just flew across the world to surprise me in Shanghai.
I’ve been so lonely in Shanghai for the past few months, it was indeed a very nice surprise.
I took him to all the cool places in Shanghai, and we had so much fun!
Well, more like he took me. I’ve never really been anywhere, since I had no one to go with. With places like restaurants and clubs, it’s just not fun to sit alone.
One night at this one bar, he confronted me.
“Are you actually coming back to Canada next year?” He asked.
I was caught off guard, but knew this talk was coming.
I told him “Probably, but I don’t want to make any promises I can’t keep.”
“I could move here.” He suggested for the second time since coming here.
“Noooooooo.” I protested. Perhaps a little too quick.
“If you don’t want to be with me, please just tell me that you never want to see me again!” He pleaded. “Otherwise I’d never move on. You need to tell me!”
This was not the first time that we discussed breaking up. Throughout our relationship, he always tried very hard, but with little return from my side. He was no fool, and I was sure on some level he know that, well… I just wasn’t that into him.
The painful truth for both guys and gals.
Sometimes he/she is just not that into you. Period.
And sometimes, he/she will try to string you along.
Not because they are evil or malicious! But simply because they are afraid of regretting the breakup later.
“This person is great! Am I making a mistake? What if I can’t find someone else?”
There are other reasons, but it’s usually all very selfish.
I couldn’t tell him what he needed to hear, and continued to string him along for a year, all the while promising I’d come back to Canada.
Before you start the witch hunt and burn me on a stake.
Let me just say:
- First relationship
- Lack of self awareness
- Thought I was into him
- But not sure why I cringe at the idea of marriage with him
- And so lonely…oh so lonely in big Shanghai
Rebuttal finished. Now you may burn me.