Chapter 47- Blurred Lines

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Johan messaged me the next morning following our date “I’m reading in bed and pigging out on snacks. Wanna join me for a lazy Sunday? I got Twizzlers!”

I had plans with my gal pals for hot pot. And didn’t want to be one of those girls who ditch her friends for a boy.

“Have plans, but you’re welcome to join! Come out! It’s such a nice day!” I texted back, hoping he would hop on right over.

“Nah. I’m gonna stay in bed and read. But you’re welcome to come over after!”

I put my phone away, annoyed that he didn’t show up on my command.

“Are you going to his place?” My friend asked.

“No! Why should we always do what he wants to do? Hmmph…” I responded indignantly.

twizzler

The next week, he messaged me about a having a Coen Brother Movie marathon at his place.

“I’ve never seen any of their movies.” I replied back.

“Me neither. I figured we’ll start with one and if it’s no good, we’ll make it a mini marathon. ” He proposed.

He seemed to really like staying in. I would prefer going out and painting the town red…or green…or purple. But whatever, I just really wanted to see him again.

I had a friend’s party the same night at the outskirts of Shanghai, but I rushed over right after. It was around 10pm when I arrived at his place. His sister was already asleep.

“Hey.” I huffed and puffed, exhausted from all the commute.

“How was the party?” He asked and poured me some wine.

I told him about it. It was boring. I won’t repeat here.

We started with “No Country For Old Men.” It was good a movie… But…So Slowwwwwww…

There were tons of violence but not much dialogue. How do I know what’s happening unless people talk??? Why are you shooting that guy??? Did he sleep with your wife??? Say something!!!

lead

I was tired to begin with, and an hour into the movie, I could barely keep my eyes open.

He noticed and asked “Do you wanna watch it in my room? That way you can lie down on the bed. It’s probably more comfortable.”

“M’kay….” I replied half asleep.

However, once we moved it to his room, I was suddenly wide awake.

And I realized that I was… in HIS BED!!!

And next thing you know…you guessed it! Hanky Panky again!

And by Hanky Panky, I mean making out… on HIS BED!!!

I’ll spare you the details, coz who wants to hear the steamy sexy stuff right?

Anyway, before long it got heated. However, I wasn’t sure if I was ready to sleep with him yet. But being in his bed was probably sending the wrong message. ‘Is it my fault for taking things this far? I feel weird saying no now… Would I be called a tease if I ask to stop?’

I think there are 3 types of guys:

  1. The type who will respect the girl’s decision, and just stop.
  2. The type who will try to pressure a girl into having sex.
  3. I shudder to think about the third type…

Unfortunately, I’ve only heard stories about type 2&3. Julien told me about a guy who will only respond to the words “No” and “Stop”. If the girl is unsure, then it’s full steam ahead!

“I think we should slow down…” I whispered hesitantly.

Johan paused and looked at me for a few seconds.

Then he said “Ok, I won’t do anything you don’t want to.”

For the rest of the night, we just cuddled and talked til we fell asleep.

I was so glad he was type 1.

I’ve heard of stories about “blurred lines” from both guys and girls,  and wasn’t sure what to believe before. In the heat of the moment, were there indeed points of no return? And what on earth is a “blue ball”??? Coincidentally, the song “Blurred Lines” just came out at that time, and confused me even more.

But the bottom line is: “Blurred Lines” is bullshit. Good guys stop. Period.

Footnote: Just in case the message is not clear enough. Please refer to the first comment by CC in the comment section. Thank you!

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2 thoughts on “Chapter 47- Blurred Lines

  1. 1) No woman is obligated to have sex if she doesn’t want to, no matter how heated or how far gone the situation. There’s no such thing as a point of no return. Even if the guy’s already in you and you suddenly decide nope, this isn’t working for me, HE’S obligated to pull the fuck out and respect your wishes to stop.

    2) “Tease” is a label guys attach to women to guilt and pressure them into having sex. If a guy’s accusing you of withholding sex from him (even though you’re not ready), he’s not someone you should be hanging with.

    3) Blue balls are when a guy’s really turned on and usually anticipating sex. But again, if you’re not interested and ready, that’s his problem, not yours. He can go wank into a sock.

    4) Blurred Lines is bullshit, and I mean both the song and the concept. People only think there are “blurred lines” because they have no knowledge of what consent is and think there are shades of gray to be navigated and manipulated when it comes to sex. But that is, again, bullshit. This is one area of life where things really are black and white. If there are any verbal or physical cues that a partner is uncomfortable or uncertain, if there is any doubt that a partner is less than 100% on board with sex, then stop and don’t press the situation. Anyone who ignores these signals is at best an asshole and at worst a rapist. (And Blurred Lines the song is a fucking rape anthem and I hate that it became a blockbuster single, I HATE IT I HATE IT.)

    OK, stepping off my feminist soapbox now…

    Liked by 1 person

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