While I was away for the summer, Julien and I kept in touch daily. We’d message each other random thoughts and exchanged pictures of our breakfasts.
He went home for about a week, and continued to update me. He said his mother and brother asks about me a lot, and I sent my regards back to them.
When we finally met up after two months apart, we squealed and jumped into eachother’s arms. It’s just what BFFs do right? As we started talking, he confessed how glad he was that I’m back.
“I have to admit.” He spoke earnestly “ Shanghai just wasn’t the same without you…It was pretty boring while you were gone.”
“Awww… I’m so happy to hear that!!!” I half joked.
He continued his speech “I guess what I’m trying to say is…” He looked down shyly “I really missed you.”
When he looked up, I saw something in his eyes…And not the dust kind.
“I missed you…” I paused then added “…guys too!!!!”
Never the one for seriousness, I lightened the mood by changing the subject.
“Yeah man! I really missed Shanghai. How is everyone? How’s Helen and Lucy?” I rambled on and on.
I avoided his eyes, as I pretended to be interested in some girl’s ugly cat purse.
Julien didn’t notice anything peculiar, and happily filled me in on everyone else’s lives. I learned that he and Jasper are no longer on speaking terms, but he has made new friends since.
Serious moment diverted! Phew…
Confession time: Guys, any girl that has friend-zoned you, knows exactly how you feel about them. They may deny it to others, and they are most likely denying it to themselves too. But deep down, a girl knows. A girl always knows…
Was I semi-aware this whole time? Hell yeah.
Was I kind of interested in him too? Let’s just be mature about this and admit Hell yeah.
If he asked me out right off the bat, I probably would have said yes. But here’s the problem with friend-zoning: the longer you’re in it, the less likely you will get out. The reason (at least in our case) is that I’ve learned too much of his flaws, that I could no longer see him as a dating potential. By then, he had swam too far into the friend-zone to ever make it back.
Again, this is all present time Kathy (aka. Ms. Hindsight) talking. Ms. 3rd year Kathy however, brushed aside any inkling, and continued to live in denial. Denial was a comfy place. Denial was made of cotton candy.
You wanna hear something else?
I made another guy friend and started to friend-zone him too. I’ve gotten so good at friend-zoning people, I should be crowned the Queen of Friend-zone!
His name was Joseph Australia. Actually his name was just Joseph, but he was Ronnie’s friend from Australia. The two of us met at a posh party at Mint Club, and immediately bonded over our distaste for it.
“Look at those Russian models! They’re dancing but they look so angry!” I pointed them out to Joseph. “They’re angry dancing!”
“Can you blame them?” He smirked “They must be starving!”
“Go offer them some carrots!” I joked.
“Ok.”
Soon enough he started following me around like a puppy dog. (I say that in the most endearing way, not the degrading way that Carlos did.) Or maybe I should say a teddybear, because he was so adorable and cuddly looking. (Again, just being affectionate, not calling him fat.)
He liked to tell me his thoughts, his feelings, etc. And I liked to call him out on his bullshit.
Somehow that only made him like me more. Guess it’s true that men like “Bitches”? Except, I was never really a “bitch”. I just like to point out when people are being too self indulgent, and I expect the same treatment back.
“I would be making so much more money in Australia!” He would whine for the hundredth time “Here, I make peanuts.”
“So make a plan to go back.” I would point out the obvious.
“Yeah, yeah I will…Right now is just not a good time.”He would continue to complain about Shanghai.
“Excuses!!!” I stopped holding back my tongue a long time ago “If all you do is complain and no action. I guarantee, 10 years from now, you’ll be exact where you are now. Still complaining.”
The thing about being “Friends” with guys, is that I do not feel the need to stroke their egos. I’m never cruel, but I certainly do not filter as much as I would with a potential love interest.
I think Joseph respected that, because he certainly did not hold his tongue either. The two of us would have these type of arguments all the time.
Soon enough, even my mom (who live in the US) heard about us. It’s true: Moms have eyes everywhere.
“So, you have a boyfriend? My friend told me so. ” My mom asked on the phone.
“What? Who?” I was confused.
“That time I sent that thing with my church friend’s son? You went to pick it up when he visited Shanghai. Remember?” She elaborated “He said he saw a tall and plumpish guy with you.”
“Ohhhhh…” I had dragged Joseph along because I wanted company on the long train ride “No. We’re just friends.”
“Oh.” She sounded disappointed “Are you sure?”
“Yeah” I replied “Plus I could never date him, he’s too….negative.”
See what I mean? All I could see were his flaws and all the ways that we were incompatible.
But I soon had bigger problems. There was a mistake with my passport and I almost got deported.
Toronto - Shanghai - Vancouver 
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